I am facing challenges. 

Quick recap

I was born in upstate NY.  I am one of six children.  I excelled in academics and athletics.  I played volleyball at Colgate and we made school history.  I went to graduate school at Duke and began my professional career as a physician assistant.  I married Antonio; a smart, tall, strong, beautiful, former basketball pro athlete of a man, in the gardens of Duke.  Together we had two amazing little girls. 

Before my youngest was two, Antonio was diagnosed with end-stage lung cancer.  We had access to the best medicine and consulted the world’s leaders in lung cancer.  Antonio passed away a year and a half after his diagnosis.  Life insurance was denied.  I took some time off work to get myself together and my short-term disability was denied.  I appealed the life insurance and short-term disability denials without yield.  I went back to work full time, working extra hours to pay back the hours I owed, while raising two little girls.  Typically, I win.  This did not feel like winning. 

My faith took a hit.  Still, I continued to believe that God had a plan.  I heard a song in a pivotal moment that reminded me that my life was not falling apart but into place.  When my girls asked what would happen if were to die,  it was evident that I should write a book to share my heart with them and the world.  If my story of overcoming could be of value to someone else, for God I would share it.  So, I started blogging with the intention of writing a book for my girls and effecting change.  In 2019, I decided that I had blogged long enough, and it was time to write the book!  I developed an outline and a schedule. 

I love to read.  Yet never held the desire to write a book.  I believe that God planted that desire, but I lost sight of this fact.  I took over the project and tried to put deadlines on it.  I stopped and gave the project back to God.  His will.  His timing.

In February 2020, my mom fell ill suddenly and passed away.  She was raising my niece and nephew and I stepped into her shoes to raise them. 

We live in a culture that tells us to seek security and ease. 

My definition of security has changed and easy is no longer an expectation. Still, I have peace.

I stepped away from writing my blog over the past several months to seek God’s will.  It was no longer good enough to simply believe that God had a plan for our lives.  I wanted a more intimate conversation.

I return to you emboldened by what I am learning. 

I accepted Christ into my heart as a young girl.  I believe that Christ lived, died, and rose again.  I believe that Christ’s presence on earth is undeniable.   Even time was never the same after His life (AD)

I have applied urgency and intention to my faith, and I am in awe of what I have learned.

I have shared with you about my Deck of Promises.  As I face situations in life, I am seeking God’s word for clarity.  Now I am walking it out.  I am living life like his promises are true today. 

I am facing hardship.  The world has only pity for me.  I have severe adverse reactions to pity.  I had to learn to see it in a different light not just cover it up or ignore it.  Still, I did not expect the answer to be to rejoice. 

God is teaching me how to see my hardship as a gift. When everything is crumbling around me, the Joy of the Lord is my Strength (Nehemiah 8:10)

This is how I am learning to rejoice

I am facing trials of many kinds ​☑

It has tested my faith ​☑

I am persevering ​☑

I am maturing ​☑

When in doubt, I am asking God for wisdom ​☑

Always and all circumstances?  This does not leave much room for exceptions!

I have handed my worries over to God ​☑

I have peace ​☑ ​

My heart and mind are guarded ​☑

Whatever is lovely? 

Instead of focusing on my problems I am turning my attention toward loving my community ​☑ 

 The instructions are simple.  When I experience fear or have doubt, I pray, speak God’s promises, and ask him to help my unbelief.  Every day I renew my mind.  Every day I am challenged.  I have never been afraid of challenge.  Still, previous challenges, like academic and athletic rigor, were within my sense of control.  I have had to adjust my perspective on unsolicited challenge and change.

I have been telling God about my problems.  I believe he is listening.  I believe he already knows.  It is said that when a student is ready, the teacher shows up.  Motherhood is such a gift.  It teaches me things all the time.  There is so much I want to share with and teach my children.  I know they need to know it.  Until they are ready to learn it, I will smile and encourage them in their present understanding. 

God has been smiling at me a long time. 

I was given access a long time ago.

Now that I have stepped into this access, he is teaching me more.  What started off as prayer is now a conversation.  God communicates through the ordinary in extraordinary ways.  Like through my children.

He is teaching me to see differently. 

He is teaching me to hear differently.

He is teaching me to love unconditionally.

While I am facing challenges, I am training for something big.  I don’t know what it will be, but I trust God and his infinite wisdom.  Until then, I will rejoice!