Fear

Fear and uncertainty.  Yes, I have them, too.  Daily I must focus on what I believe and stay centered.  It is all too easy to be distracted or drift.  It takes a lot to stay focused and driven.  Some days I have more of it than others.

Labels

My current greatest fear is feeling limited when, previously, I believed I had no limitations. Now I am labeled as a widow with young children or a single mother, I find these newly acquired labels exhausting.  Still, people use them like it is my new identity.  Broad sweeps and generalizations are common place.   I was born as I am and I am pleased with whom I have become. 

Perhaps it is my heightened sense of awareness of all things, including word choice and tone, that I find myself cringing.  Perhaps, I am desperate to be viewed simply as a person.   I find that labels, in general, are restrictive and insufficient.  I find myself being suffocated with labels that threaten to limit me and try to define me as a person.  I show patience and restraint because I don’t necessarily feel that people are being intentionally malicious. 

Assumptions

I fear that my circumstances will speak louder than my voice.  I want your love and consideration. I don’t want to be pitied, ever.  I have no interest in playing the victim, ever.  I am me.  I refuse labels that are insufficient.  If you label me, you underestimate me.   If you must- call me a dreamer.

Limitations

I fear what others will say to limit my children’s hopes and dreams in the setting of their loss.  How will they magnify what they perceive to be a weakness?  While there is nothing that I can say that will convey the magnitude of our loss, I will say that this life event has changed my approach to life and somehow I have arrived at being grateful for my new lens.  

Live unbridled

I define myself.  I write my own script.  I believe that I am bigger than society’s labels for me.  Look past the obvious.  Listen with your soul and you will see and hear me.  Every day I will encourage my girls to write their own scripts and live out their dreams without limitations.