It’s Been a While

What took me so long to write? To be honest, I was afraid that you would not understand me. I have become one of “those people.” In the past, I have judged people for waiting on God. I have never waited on the Lord for something within my immediate “control” until now.  

Where God Begins

It feels as though God has always surrounded me, but I never paused to figure out where I end and God begins. So, I worked hard until something was out of my reach, and then I asked for God’s help i.e., Antonio’s illness. Clearly, I didn’t get my desired outcome. Still, if I was convinced of anything, I knew there was a God and I believed he had a plan. 

I sat in that space for years. I even rebelled in that space, but I held onto the belief that God had a plan.

When I started writing three years ago, I felt that I was taking steps toward my purpose, specifically, into God’s purpose for my life. I was consistently reading my bible, and I was eager for a breakthrough. Fast forward to losing my mom. I began to question God’s plan and he welcomed me into a conversation. This is when I applied urgency and intention to my faith. I had missed the broader context.

If the God of the universe talks to people, I wanted to be part of the conversation. I joined prayer groups and small groups within the Church. I sought out others with bold faith. I read the bible with new eyes. There is still so much for me to learn.

Beginning and the End

In this new space, I wait on the Lord for everything. Things that I am quite capable of getting accomplished, I still wait. I am learning God’s voice. In previous posts, I have started to share some of my needs and weakness. I am confident that God will show up in them. I hope to make clear where I end and God begins.  

What am I Focusing On?

I have so many needs and wants. If I start thinking about my problems, I can get a bit hysterical. But in this moment, I am completely satisfied, and everything is covered. In this moment, I have God’s peace that passes understanding.  

Rejoice

Instead of worrying if God will work it out, I am learning to rejoice in anticipation of the grandeur of how he does so. Over the coming weeks, I look forward to sharing praise reports about how some of these things work out.