God's Timing
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Maui
We have covered that I live my life with intensity. I make vague mention of my accomplishments. I was not looking for recognition. In fact, I would prefer none. I like knowledge and testing my limits. Information and checking the box were reward enough for me. I speak little of my past accomplishments because I have never had anything to prove to anyone except for myself. The spectacle of accomplishment is something that I have never gotten used to.
I always knew what I wanted: degrees, career, husband, house, and children. No sooner than I had it all, my life unraveled. Antonio was diagnosed with end stage lung cancer when our youngest was not even two. My children were three and five when their father died. I experienced the proverbial peace that passes understanding and I believe that is came from God. Through it all, I believe God continues to have a plan for me and my family.
With my mustard seed of faith, I started my blog in 2017 in the grace of God following my late husband’s death. It took several years to rebuild my faith, gather hope, and dare to dream. God has been working on my heart. My life will never be the same but I am full of so much gratitude for where I am. Through my circumstances, I was able to see life with fresh eyes and my hope and faith were renewed.
By mid 2019, I was over it. I had lost perspective. I wanted to write my book and be done with it. Check the box and move on. I said I would and I am a woman of my word.
However, writing this book has never been my dream. Writing my book was born out of a pivotal question asked by my girls and it was placed on my heart to share it with the world because of God’s love for me and gratitude for his grace and the peace that guarded my heart.
After prayer and introspection, it became clear that it was not time to write the book. If I am meant to write the book, God will create the avenue in which I write it. I can tell you this- the book I would have written 9 months ago is significantly different than the book I would write in this moment. How drastically my story has changed yet again.
Since losing my mom in March, I stepped into her shoes to raise my niece and nephew.. This, too, was a seed planted in my heart some time ago. With aging parents, it has been on my heart that if and when my parents were ready for help raising my niece and nephew, I would be ready to step up and carry on. In fact, in the weeks preceding my mom’s catastrophic stroke, I went to go look at houses with my girls. Unbeknownst to anyone but my girls, I was dream casting and looking into a larger home on acreage that would also accommodate my parents, niece, and nephew in the near future.
In the midst of preparing, life happened.
“... “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth. “”
The last post I wrote was nearly two years ago. I have been grieving, slaying giants, raising champions, and growing in faith.