Managing Grief and Loss During the Holiday Season

Managing grief and loss during the holiday season is complex.  It is a head on intersection of loss and hope, old memories and new.

For those grieving:

How do you keep your wits about you? Sitting with the devastation of significant loss whether abrupt or anticipated is not ideal ever, and it seems magnified during the holidays.

It almost seems wrong to celebrate and enjoy.  The tension is real.  Depending where you are in the journey of grief,  it is different.  Day one is different than year one.  Year one is different than year two, etc. Noone’s grief journey is the same.  Give yourself the gift to grieve uniquely.

I do believe that the togetherness of holidays is ideal. Being alone with your own thoughts and grief during the holiday is a rough place even for the most polarized introvert.

I believe in God.  This has been my number one source of comfort during loss.  In fact, I can’t imagine experiencing loss without Him.  It is hard to make sense of things, but peace and direction when everything is upended is a gift and it available to all who believe.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬-‭6‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

It is okay to talk about your loved one, remember the good times, and share the future forward things you want to do in that person’s honor.  Your life is better because this person lived! People are taking your lead.  So, if you want to share stories, the answer is yes!  If you feel like a social outcast or feel tension while sharing, it is not you.  It is not them either.  New things make most people uncomfortable.  Death is no exception.  Start the conversation.  You are trying to figure it out, too.  You won’t really find out until you start the conversation.  Give yourself grace as you find the right company and timing to share.  You can put some things in a box of “ I hope I can learn to laugh about that later.”

With time, the best way we can honor our loved one that are no longer on this earth is to live. It is okay to grieve, but we must not stay there. If we are still on this side of eternity, God has a plan and purpose for your life.

If you are not finding the right connection in a friend or family, there are groups, journaling and therapists.

For those supporting a person grieving:

No one wants to be a bother. Know that your love and thoughtfulness are always well regarded even if the response/feedback is minimal in real time.  You are planting seeds of love and hope in a place that needs nurturing.  

If they start talking about the deceased, try to remain calm and listen. Take a few slow deep breaths. It is ok. It is kinda awkward for them, too. Honor this space. I am giving you heads up now- have a few memories on standby that you can share that highlight a quality of or the life of their loved one. Next level, specifically share how knowing that person has changed your life for the better, also. Kinds words and sharing memories of their loved one are universal.

If you know the person’s love languages.  Go full tilt.   Well, make that moderation. This will have the maximum impact.  Don’t know where to start?  How does that person show up for you?  Mirror it.  It may feel unnatural because it may not be your love language, but rest assured you are in their love zone.

Presence. God created us to commune. This can be a tough place to navigate. Some people like to talk and some people like company. They may not mean the same thing to some. Silence or music while sitting with someone, sharing a meal, watching a movie, going for a stroll or a drive are all options. Again, mirror how you have spent time together in the past. Give the person some low-pressure options and follow up.

Some of the hardest times are not just after the life celebration or funeral. When everyone is getting back to their normal, the person experiencing loss has no normal to return to. They have to create it. Remember them 2, 3, 6 months and more later and especially during the holiday season. The healing process may take longer than you think.

I believe that prayers are the most important part of the healing. Jehovah Rapha

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