Best Self
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Autumn McKenzie Jackson
Who Am I?
I need to discovery myself again as it had been a long time since I had reconsidered my own happiness. I was operating on a template that I had created years ago. Who am I as an individual? I had to find my joy and radiate happiness from within and not lean on others to fulfill my happiness.
In the early moments and before the dense fog started to lift, I was operating on a moment by moment basis. I completed tasks in the moment and I was singularly focused on the same. I could not see past the moment, if I had tried. Early on, there was no attempt. With time, I was given the strength to see past the moment. At some point, I had an unobstructed view of my decimated landscape of hopes and dreams. It was unsettling. What is next?
I wear many hats, something that I am to someone else. I spend the greatest portion of my day worried about someone else’s needs. Much of my identity is wrapped up in my work, family and friends, yet none of them quite knew what to do with me, nor I with myself.
Somewhere along the way, I gave myself permission to focus on myself. Nevertheless, I justified my personal growth in the context of others- they deserved my best self. So, if I pursued my best self, I could serve others better. I had to ask myself a lot of questions to get there.
What is my best self? What am I passionate about? What are my best skills? What are my gifts? Am I using my gifts and skills as well as I should or could? What makes my heart sing and what was the song of my heart? What makes me feel alive? What gets me out of bed in the morning? Some of the answers required extensive thought. I couldn’t recall the last time I let my mind wander so, if ever.
How do you define yourself? Are you living your best life?
The last post I wrote was nearly two years ago. I have been grieving, slaying giants, raising champions, and growing in faith.