Day by Day

I have been in day by day mode for months. I begin each day with the Lord’s prayer. Managing through the loss of my mother and raising two additional children while facing the challenges of a pandemic and social injustice is more than enough, yet challenges continue to arise.

Ongoing Challenges

I have gone back to work. The first day back, I forgot my badge which allows access to different parts of the emergency department. My parking pass was disabled and I needed to pay to exit the lot. I forgot my wallet at home. People were as warm and welcoming as they could be but tears rolled from the corner of my eyes into the obscurity of my mask as I did and continue to do what has to be done.

Change as a Catalyst for Growth.

When I was in the throws of dealing with Antonio’s illness, I remember making a decision. I listened to an audio book of Walking with God in Pain and Suffering by Timothy Keller. On this particular day, I was running down the beach of the North Carolina Outer Banks. This is one of the few times I have lost myself running. I distinctly remember a choice. I like having options. In difficult circumstances, it can feel like all of our choices are taken away from us. The most important of decisions happen here. Never Give up. God’s not done.

Under Pressure

Pressure can create coal or it can create diamonds. In fact, diamonds can be made no other way. Pressure is necessary. I, then, was able to see my excruciating pain differently. I knew that if I chose to- I could be better through what I experienced. I have seen so many people broken or held captive in their experiences. I knew I did not want that. Coal wasn’t an option.

God is Sovereign

I knew that if I would trust God and allow him to shape me and my experience that there was a divine plan for my life. I wish these life experience on no one. If they are going to happen, I had to learn to ask different questions. Instead of asking why it happened, I asked, what can I learn from this? How can I grow through this? I see it as a tribute to loved ones lost. I see it as a nod to God’s plan. If I am still here, there is work for me to do. It is important that I get to it and do my best in it. Starting now.

Sharing Life

I would love for you to learn from my experience. That is one of the many reasons I share. In life, we will go through some stuff. I have personally witnessed God’s peace that passes understanding. If I sit still and let go of the worries and concerns, that peace is waiting for me. It is that peace that compels me. It is that peace that gives me hope for what I am going through now. I am under pressure, but I will not be crushed. I have four pairs of eyes that study me. Their eyes are always on me. What am I going to show them? God.