How Do We Get Through This?
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My mom with 4 of 8 grandchildren. circa 2018. This is my new crew
I am in a painful place that is way too familiar. Fact is, I was still wrestling with some aspects of the last life event when this current life event presented itself.
The Similarities
Abrupt life ending event of an immediate family member
Children caught in the wake of uncertainty
Difference this Time
As it would happen, I have a significant reference point and a bit of a template/road map as a guide.
I am surrounded by others also experiencing extreme change and disruption.
I have four children affected by monumental change.
I know what God has done for me, personally, and I know he is able to do it again.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light ”
There was an excellent sermon this week by Pastor Joel Schmidgall of National Community Church. This is the church that I call home. The title of the sermon is “The Valley of Weeping” He makes many excellent points, but the part that I resonated with most talked about two things that can happen when you are in a valley. 1) It changes you 2) You change the valley
It Changed Me
The loss of my husband changed me. I don’t know how much others have appreciated this change. I see everything differently now and my priorities have shifted. The reality of what happened is still very present in my life as I raise two little girls. My focus is on what matters most.
If the number one change was my perspective then the second biggest change was my heart. I have always had a heart for those close to me. I am extremely loyal and loving to my inner circle. The fact was, not many people made it there. Outside of that, I couldn’t see you. Literally and figuratively. I was driven. I have impressive tunnel vision that has previously served me well, but I am able to recognize it can be a hindrance when considering others.
Changing the Valley
For the sake of my little girls, I embarked on a journey to reach my potential and show them that anything is still possible, and I opened up this project to the world with the hope that it may impact someone else’s life in a positive way. God was and remains so graceful with me. Who am I to withhold my story of God’s grace? So, I started this blog as a platform to write my book, a desire that I believe God planted in my heart. With my story, I hope to effect change by living, loving, and dreaming boldly, but I shared the story of my faith implicitly.
I know what God did for me during that time. So, his promises ring true for me on a personal level. I started my blog on the fringe of this realization. If not for God’s grace, I never would have opened up or shared anything. Even when sharing, it was difficult to really share the details of what I was going through, so I painted broad brush strokes.
People wanted details I wasn’t willing to give. When I shared, I felt the overall response was pity with the little bit I gave them. The whole truth was a bit much, so I shared in part. I gave people what I thought they could understand. While my faith in Jesus Christ was the foundation on which I was building my life, I wasn’t prepared to share freely. It was deeply personal and something that was still taking shape.
More Change
My mom passed away March 23, 2020. She was primary care giver to my niece and nephew, I am stepping into her shoes to raise them. There is so much change to navigate through which limits my bandwidth. My circumstances are bigger than me, but they are not bigger than my God. My default is to focus on God. I know that God has a plan for our lives. Through it all, I will remain insistent on this.
My challenge is to be patient and endure. I pray for wisdom and understanding daily. It is too much for me to handle on my own. I draw my strength from God’s promises. As I immerse myself in scripture, I am writing out scripture cards which is a habit I developed during my late husband’s battle with cancer. I place the cards in a deck of promises that speak God’s truth into my circumstances and keeps me focused on what is still possible. My eyes are narrowly focused on God. Moment by moment and day by day we are making it through.
Change the Landscape
Moving forward, I will be more transparent about my faith. I must. It is how I filter everything, and it is at odds with mainstream thought. I just finished reading through the bible for the first time in a very long time. I want to live life in a way that allows me to hear from God so I am clear that I am walking in my purpose. There is no doubt that this helped prepare me for what I am going through now. I am reading through it again to deepen my understanding.
So, once again, I am going through significant personal change and I continue to believe that God has a plan for me and my family. This time I am better equipped and willing to effect change- starting with boldly sharing my faith. How do we get through this? Together. Everyone is going through something and change is hard, anticipated or unexpected. Our problems take on different meaning when placed in the context of Christ. Pray for me and I’ll pray for you. In Christ, we are better together.
“I know what it is to be in need, I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
The last post I wrote was nearly two years ago. I have been grieving, slaying giants, raising champions, and growing in faith.