Imperfect Faith
/
Discussing faith is a tough thing to do. Still, my renewed faith is the foundation on which I am building my life and it gives better context to why I remain hopeful and optimistic despite feeling like I was left with more than I thought I could handle.
Losing a loved one can make one question absolutely everything- including the meaning of life. By the grace of God, I was granted a profound peace while surrounded by ruin.
By default, I surrendered all when my will was blunted and I had no fight left. I do not ever want to lose sight of this. For it was in these moments that I felt closest to God. I was given just enough to exist in one moment. Nothing more. Nothing less. There was no worry for the next moment because I was not given enough to spend on worry, just enough for the present moment. I operated in this capacity for a long time.
Now with renewed capacity and strength, I find myself trying to be self-reliant. My drive for control and self-preservation are strong. Yet, in this mode, I get easily frustrated and overwhelmed. I am far from perfect, but that does not matter. This is a come-as-you-are kind of love. God continues to show his love, mercy, and grace in my life. Without it, we live in a world of chaos.
Every day I must acknowledge his mercy and grace that give meaning to my life. I pray for patience. Through my imperfections, I hope to be a testament of God's love.
The last post I wrote was nearly two years ago. I have been grieving, slaying giants, raising champions, and growing in faith.